Self Inflicted

by Message To The Machine

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about

The idea behind the Self Inflicted album can be summed up in one short sentence, "It is all my fault."
Songs of self doubt and self loathing form the general platform for this release. The constant assault of second guessing and the fear of losing control plague the ideas behind each song. However, in any darkness, there are some signs of light.
Self Inflicted is a confession of false hopes and realisations.

credits

released 15 June 2013

Created, mixed and mastered by James Orez
soundcloud.com/james_orez
This album also features
Chris Drinkel from Sketi
www.beatport.com/artist/sketi/121120
and
Rudy Lucas from VulpineSmile
soundcloud.com/vulpinesmile

Released through CRL Studios
www.crlstudio.com

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license

all rights reserved

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Track Name: Screamer Number Four
i don't know what you think you're doing
i don't know who you think i am

how am i nothing? how am i so ignored?
how am i worthless? how am i nothing to anyone?

screaming in the corner
jaded eyes filled with horror
how can anyone ignore this?
how can anyone be so blind?

maybe this is how it is
maybe i'm just like this
maybe nothing means anything
maybe it's all shit

how can i be the one that you throw away
every single fucking day?
how can i be the one that you destroy?

if i scream loud enough will you hear the words that i say?
if i scream right into your face will you hear me?

maybe this is how it all is
maybe this is how the things that we think are right really work
no one seems to care…

how can i be the one that you throw away like nothing?
how can i be the one that you destroy so easily?

screaming in the corner
jaded eyes filled with horror
how can anyone ignore this?
how can anyone be so blind?

how am i nothing? how am i so ignored?
how am i worthless? how am i nothing to anyone?

how can i be the one that you throw away
every single fucking day?
how can i be the one that you destroy?

if i scream loud enough will you hear the words that i say?
if i scream right into your face will you hear me?

maybe this is how it all is
maybe this is how the things that we think are right really work
no one seems to care…

how can i be the one that you throw away like nothing?
how can i be the one that you destroy so easily?

screaming in the corner
jaded eyes filled with horror
how can anyone ignore this?
how can anyone be so blind?
Track Name: I Am Effigy
I am nothing more than a fallacy
made from your past mistakes
set up high for their eyes
ready to burn
how could you?
quite a subtle way to abandon
i am your great mistake
i will find you
and
i will break you!

i can not believe what i am hearing
i can not foresee what i am becoming
i will not believe what they are saying
i will not turn into what they want

i am just an effigy

every little bit of me
washes away with the tide
all the hate you feel
poisons my little heart
every little bit of me
is a joke in your eyes
all the little things i say
make you laugh in my face

we take it all
we want it all
every choice we make
is what we hate

we take it all
we wan it all
only we can
change the past

every little bit of me
blows away with the wind
all the smiles you show
are as fake as my laugh
every little bit of me
wants some more to portray
all the needs i have
sound like mere gestures to you

i can not believe what i am hearing
i can not foresee what i am becoming
i will not believe what they are saying
i will not turn into what they want

i am just an effigy

lost deep inside
your self pity
left to burn away
cast into the dirt
treated like i'm nothing
beated into the ground
made me run away
it is all on you
i will not forget the look
on your face
i will not forgive
i will not take this

i can not believe what i am hearing
i can not foresee what i am becoming
i will not believe what they are saying
i will not turn into what they wanti can not believe what i am hearing
i can not foresee what i am becoming
i will not believe what they are saying
i will not turn into what they want

i can not believe
i can not foresee
i will not believe
i will never turn

I am effigy
i am effigy
i am effigy
i am effi - fucking - gy
Track Name: Your Eyes My Lies
lying to you is the only way to keep you happy

i've been telling many lies
i can't keep up with them
nobody seems to realise
nobody seems to notice
she is so burdened
she is so frozen
this is not what i want
but it's what i'm doing

if i could save her
get through to her
but i can't keep up
but i can't stay down
and if i could
i think i would
my lies
are so broken

I destroyed everything YOUR EYES MY LIES
We will never be the same YOUR EYES MY LIES
She will never be with me YOUR EYES MY LIES
I become nothing YOUR EYES MY LIES

lying to you is the only way to keep you happy
i was so stupid

I destroyed everything YOUR EYES MY LIES
We will never be the same YOUR EYES MY LIES
She will never be with me YOUR EYES MY LIES
I become nothing NOTHING!

nothing
matters
unless
you believe me

I DONT KNOW WHAT I AM
EVERYTHING FALLS APART
I DONT KNOW WHO I AM
EVERYTHING FALLS APART
I DONT KNOW WHAT I AM
EVERYTHING FALLS APART
I DONT KNOW WHO I AM
EVERYTHING FALLS APART

your eyes are the only thing
keeping me going
i have seen my lies
destroy everything
she is so burdened
she is so frozen
this is not what i want
but it's what i'm doing
i have been deceiving you
telling you awful lies
i have been hiding truths
and i didn't think you knew
and if i could
look in your eyes
i don't think
i'm so sorry

I DONT KNOW WHAT I AM
EVERYTHING FALLS APART
I DONT KNOW WHO I AM
EVERYTHING FALLS APART
I DONT KNOW WHAT I AM
EVERYTHING FALLS APART
I DONT KNOW WHO I AM
EVERYTHING FALLS APART

I destroyed everything YOUR EYES MY LIES
We will never be the same YOUR EYES MY LIES
She will never be with me YOUR EYES MY LIES
I become nothing YOUR EYES MY LIES

I destroyed everything
We will never be the same
She will never be with me
I become nothing
Track Name: Pariah
I told a lie
one to die
for ever lost
without a cost
forced between
never seen
cast away
betray

they told some stories
about my existence
better believe them
or i will show you
this is no fairy tale
no happy ending
this is reality
and i can take you

on the outside
without a guide
cast away
with no delay

maybe i need this
something to miss
once everything mattered
now it is scattered

they told some stories
about my existence
better believe them
or i will show you
this is no fairy tale
no happy ending
this is reality
and i can take you
Track Name: Reclaimher
sometimes i want to quit everything
she was the only thing keeping me going
i was safe
nothing seems to matter now
i know everything i do won't fix her

she has a disease
killing her
she thinks it's me
no one is helping

through her eyes she denies
with my touch she reclines
this is how i control
don't deny my effect on her
i don't think she knows
i don't think she feels
i don't think she even cares
that she always does this…

switch like a blade
turn me around
cut through the flesh
let me die here
switch like a blade
turn me around
cut through the flesh
let me die here

she tries her best
to look away
her eyes fixate
right onto me

reclaim her heart
it's all i want
this is not wrong
it is quite pure
i just want her
right at my side
i will reclaim
what is mine

switch like a blade
turn me around
cut through the flesh
let me die here
switch like a blade
turn me around
cut through the flesh
let me die here

how can she stand
right there in front of me
telling me
we were tragic
how can she smile
with that delight
i was so strong
she was nothing

she took every bit of me
ripped my limps right from me
torn me down forced me out
every fucking thing is dead
there is nothing left to kill
i am just an empty shell
no one seems to realise
what she did to me
she took every bit of me
ripped my limps right from me
torn me down forced me out
every fucking thing is dead
there is nothing left to kill
i am just an empty shell
no one seems to realise
what she did to me

reclaim her heart
it's all i want
this is not wrong
it is quite pure
i just want her
right at my side
i will reclaim
what is mine

reclaiming her it's all i want
this is not wrong it is quite pure
i just want her right at my side
i will reclaim what is mine

don't let this world spoil her intentions
i will focus all of my attention
this is my vow
just stay with me
we will be strong
we will destroy

she took every bit of me
ripped my limps right from me
torn me down forced me out
every fucking thing is dead
there is nothing left to kill
i am just an empty shell
no one seems to realise
what she did to me
she took every bit of me
ripped my limps right from me
torn me down forced me out
every fucking thing is dead
there is nothing left to kill
i am just an empty shell
no one seems to realise
what she did to me
Track Name: Your Sex
deep down inside
you try to hide
i have seen your surface
burn like a furnace
i know you're worthless
all the things you think we don't see
they bubble to the surface
so simple to understand

you think you are so precious
you think you are so pure
you think you can control me
with your fucking sex
you'll never be anything more
you'll never be something special
everyone uses you and abuses you

if i could give you one bit of advice
it would be to be some much more then what you are
if you try this maybe they will love you
but if you keep on no one will remember you

I am not easily controlled
never the weak or insecure
slightly insane some might say
i will live for the day
i will never break
i will never take
i will never fake
i will never fake
This is not the way i'm wired
i have been trying what i could
I am dying by your hands
don't tell me your nonsense i will never break
i will never take
i will never fake
i will never fake

and you try all the things that you think people want
you throw your flesh around like it's nothing
i know it's something you are so deluded
i think you burn yourself with delight
if i could give you one bit of advice
it would be to be some much more then what you are
if you try this maybe they will love you
but if you keep on no one will remember you

I am not easily controlled
never the weak or insecure
slightly insane some might say
i will live for the day
i will never break
i will never take
i will never fake
i will never fake
This is not the way i'm wired
i have been trying what i could
I am dying by your hands
don't tell me your nonsense
i will never break
i will never take
i will never fake
i will never fake

your sex is overrated

you think you are so precious
you think you are so pure
you think you can control me
with your fucking sex
you'll never be anything more
you'll never be something special
everyone uses you and abuses you
Track Name: My Little Psycho
my little psycho
is approaching
i can hear her
nails on the wall
scratching along our corridor
screaming as loud as she can
tearing away my self esteem
crying alone
baring her hate

little bits of her denials
are seeping into me
she is a little bitch
burn her like a witch
she has psycho tendencies
nobody knows
she has psycho tendencies
and she will kill me

my little psycho
stalking like a killer
her psycho commentary
stands like a pillar

i'm not so special
she's not so pretty
i'm not so noble
she's not so anything
i'm not so special
she's not so pretty
i'm not so noble
she's not so anything

My little psycho bitch is always running
my little psycho bitch is always crying
anything i do for her is never enough
i will never be able to save her

she can tell me little things
that don't make sense to me
but it doesn't matter
cuz she's actually looking at me
she is really talking to me
i am really looking at her
no one seems to realise

i just need her

i don't think she understands
anything i'm feeling for her
my little psycho
is losing her mind
my little psycho
isn't even thinking straight
my little psycho bitch is saying lots of crazy shit

My little psycho bitch is always running
my little psycho bitch is always crying
anything i do for her is never enough
i will never be able to save her

i'm not so special
she's not so pretty
i'm not so noble
she's not so anything
i'm not so special
she's not so pretty
i'm not so noble
she's not so anything

My little psycho bitch is always running
my little psycho bitch is always crying
anything i do for her is never enough
i will never be able to save her
Track Name: Patiently We Drown
each day we reside ever so patiently
off to the side where we wait
where we hope and where we pray
with such obedience our hands and knees
become wretched stumps.

drowning within our very own lonesome pathetic
apathetic so called lives staring blindly into
mind saturating screens filled with false hope
and pre tense.

patiently we drown for them
patiently we accept the empty carcass we have become
feeding over other peoples mindless
self indulgences unrelated to the precious life
we have spent so long ignoring
patiently we drown.
Track Name: The Engineer
"and if you believe in everything that you've been told
then everything you say will mean nothing to anyone
for it is all one big lie"

Maybe i need to make things more clear
maybe you need to take things with a tear
I need to understand
i must see everything
nobody can demand
no one sees anything
their little pieces
fit just perfectly
nothing decreases
what came of gently

i am the only engineer still alive here
i am the only engineer with the desire
i am the only engineer lacking the fear
i am the only engineer who can rewire

maybe this is right
maybe this is wrong
no one will tell me
why won't you tell me!?

for so many days
i have tried my best
no one ever stays
this must be my test

i am the only engineer still alive here
i am the only engineer with the desire
i am the only engineer lacking the fear
i am the only engineer who can rewire

every breathe you dispel onto me ruins the person
that i could be, every breath you dispel onto me ruins the person
that i could be.

i can be what you want
i can make it be
if you tell me clearly what you want

i am the only engineer still alive here
i am the only engineer with the desire
i am the only engineer lacking the fear
i am the only engineer who can rewire

'Standing in the light like a little liar, living out this hollow lost existence, my eyes they burn a thousand frail tears down beneath our flickering light of hope.
Crying in the light like a little liar, weary faces tell tales better lost, I can reach out some days, I can change these little things people hate about me.'

it ruins the person.
Track Name: Demon Creeper
lost within this nightmare
all my choices are wrong
frost it starts to freeze over
all my movements are gone
too many words are running through my mind
too many demons are trying to hurt me

if i could just hold on a little tighter to you
maybe all my mistakes will go away from me
i need you here
all my demons are creeping

demon creeper lurking in the darkness
demon creeper trying to control

broken within my core
every breath i take here
is slowly killing me
i am fading away
too many words are running through my mind
too many demons are trying to hurt me

if i could just realise what these things
really are maybe i can help myself for once

can't you see my demons are creeping along my spine
i can not ignore them
they tell me awful words

demon creeper lurking in the darkness
demon creeper trying to control

all my demons have found my weakest point within myself
they poke and prod it make me do things i don't like
if i could just get away be with you some where else
maybe all of this will go away from me